<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>To Ease the Loss of Youth by NerdHerder12</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132015">To Ease the Loss of Youth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdHerder12/pseuds/NerdHerder12'>NerdHerder12</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MacGyver (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Riley/Mac, coping with loss, jack returns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:27:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdHerder12/pseuds/NerdHerder12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After two years of hunting for Kovacs, Jack returns to find that everything has changed, and Mac is no longer the boy he left behind. Time will lessen the pain, but for now Jack finds himself needing to be the strong one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Dalton &amp; Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Ease the Loss of Youth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to everyone who read the last fic I wrote. You all inspired me to keep writing! There are some parts in this story that I still wish would flow a little better, but I could never get it just right, and I didn't want to wait another week before posting this.</p>
<p>This takes place 2 years after Jack left, which, including the 18 month gap between S3 and S4, would place it just a little after the S4 finale (I'm assuming the last few episodes of S3 and the entirety of S4 each only took a few months, but I could be completely wrong).</p>
<p>You can also read this as a follow up to my previous fic, "I Trust You", if you'd like to know how I imagine Mac/Riley came to be in this fic :)</p>
<p>Title is from "Handwritten" by The Gaslight Anthem.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack felt like he'd entered a different dimension. There Mac was, in the flesh, a mere thirty feet away, but there was just something <em>off</em> about him that Jack couldn't place from that distance. </p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><em>This is just like one of those zombie horror movies, </em>he thought<em>. You come back and everything looks the same, but there's something off about the people and the next thing you know, your head's getting ripped off.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>And as Jack fully stepped off the plane and Mac's face became more visible, Jack's smile began to falter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac looked.. <em>exhausted</em>. Like he'd aged five years in the past two. But that wasn't what made Jack's pace stutter. Physically, Mac looked okay - but his once bright blue eyes were now only blue. There wasn't any light or spark in them anymore, and Jack was sure Mac never used to have those dark circles under his eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>But Mac was still grinning, and that's what Jack noticed was just wrong. Jack knew over years of their friendship what Mac's genuine smile looked like. </p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>And it sure as hell isn't this.</em> Jack's brain conjured up the image of the Mac he'd thought he was meeting at the airstrip today. <em>That</em> Mac was happy. That Mac would joke about how Jack had let himself go over these two years, and how Mac was doing fine without him - only to sober up at the end and admit that <em>"Seriously though, I missed you, man"</em>. That Mac would have told Jack about how great Desi was, and that everyone had bonded, but the team was also eager to have him back. And with hearing that, Jack would be glad that he left the team in good hands, but also glad they hadn't replaced him entirely.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>This Mac was a shell of the person Jack used to know. The unnerving grin might have seemed natural to anyone else, but Jack could tell it was partly forced.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>Maybe he's faking it because he doesn't actually want me back here. Maybe they've all moved on and he's only here to sit me down and tell me how Desi's replaced me and they don't need me anymore.</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack dreaded thinking about it, but realistically, he was starting to get too old for this line of work. He still felt pretty spry, but everyone knew he couldn't be around forever. Desi was still young, as was the rest of the team. Maybe they decided he should retire and move on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack finally made it the last few steps, putting on his best grin and pushing aside those thoughts for now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Man, is it ever good to see your face!" Jack dropped his bags and went for the hug, and was pleasantly surprised when Mac was the first to wrap his arms around him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Same, Jack," Mac said, stepping back. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Perhaps two years was just long enough for Mac to skip the jabs and go straight to telling Jack how much he was missed. Still, Jack didn't like how uneasy he felt. Something was different, he just couldn't tell what it was.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's been so long, I don't even know where to start!" Jack commented, as they walked back to the waiting car. "How about we head over to yours, grab a beer and you can catch me up on everything that I've missed. How's that sound?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac raised his eyebrows and pressed his lips together, then cleared his throat. "Well, that sounds like a plan, but I'll have to warn you, 'everything you missed' isn't exactly something to chat about over some beers."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack cursed inwardly. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. "That bad, huh? You guys couldn't handle it without your one and only Jack Dalton?" Jack tried to keep it light-hearted, but inside he was starting to get worried.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac shrugged. "Actually, these last few months were really grim without you around for comedic relief."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh man, I'm imagining all the boring nerd conversations now." Jack pretended to gag.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac quirked an eyebrow and gave an honest chuckle. "And what exactly does a Jack Dalton imagined 'nerd conversation' sound like?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You know, just.. boring science-y stuff." Jack didn't even try to come up with an intelligent answer. He would be the butt of the joke any day if it meant Mac would open up more like he did just now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack tossed his bag in the back of the black SUV, then hopped in the passenger seat next to Mac.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well I'm all ears," he continued as Mac turned on the ignition. Jack wanted to figure out what was going on. " It's a long drive back to your place, and you do kinda look like you've started to grow grey hair, Mac. What happened, man? Did somebody die or something?" </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The moment the words left his mouth, Jack knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life. He was only kidding, but the way Mac froze and stopped breathing, his eyes pressing shut and knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel would forever be etched in Jack's brain.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No, no no no," Jack began to hear white noise, his own voice sounding distant. "Mac, please, tell me Riley's alright." He was panicking now, the scenarios of all the team members running through his head.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Time seemed to freeze for just too long. When Jack saw the single tear slip out from Mac's closed eyelids, Jack all but began crying himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ri - Riley's fine, the team's fine," Mac finally choked out. He tilted his head up and blinked rapidly to try and keep himself from fully crying, messily swiping his right hand over his face to wipe away the tears. His left hand remained in a death grip on the wheel.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack was at a loss for words. This wasn't a joke anymore, it never was. Mac seeming <em>off</em> wasn't just a trick of Jack's memory. Something very, very terrible had happened, and not only was Jack not there to help then, but he didn't know how to handle it now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac was also sitting in silence while he tried to calm himself. Jack was always the one person he could be most vulnerable with, and Mac had dreaded the moment they would talk about what had happened. Mac wasn't prepared for the shock of Jack's earlier question. He didn't plan to let it all out in the car, still sitting in the airstrip lot. He'd planned to sit Jack down, at his house, where he was only a few steps away from the comforts of home after exhausting himself with explaining everything.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey," Jack finally said quietly, gripping Mac's shoulder. "Let's switch, yeah? I'll drive you home. We can sit down, we can talk, or not talk, whatever you need. I'm here for you. I should never have left."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack got out of the car and walked around to the driver's side, waiting for Mac to shift over before he stepped in and pulled the car out of the lot.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The drive back was silent. Mac managed to keep a calm front, staring distantly out the window, eyes unblinking.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack didn't know what to say. Maybe it was best that he didn't say anything at all. He already messed that up earlier.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It wasn't your fault." Mac didn't move as he spoke, still staring at nothing out the window.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don't say you should have been here. It wasn't your fault. You were out there saving lives. You stopped Kovacs. You were doing the right thing."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack shook his head. "Doesn't mean I can't feel bad for not being here and doing the right thing."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You shouldn't feel bad. I'm sorry - I shouldn't have let that comment get to me. I know you were just kidding, and it was months ago, but - you know I can't hide anything from you, Jack."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack still didn't know the whole story. Mac didn't say <em>who</em>, but he said the team was fine - Jack could guess this meant someone on an op gone bad. Jack felt a fierce protectiveness come over him. It was hard, guarding Mac from himself instead of from bullets. Bullets were a physical danger that Jack could handle, but Mac's brain was a twisted maze that somehow converted everything to <em>it's my fault</em> and <em>showing emotions is a weakness</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Mac, don't you ever, <em>ever</em> apologize for caring about somebody, you hear me? You don't have to tell me about it. You don't have to bring it up ever again. But don't you <em>dare</em> apologize for having feelings."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac closed his eyes, twisting his hands in his lap. As they turned the corner to his house, a mere fifty feet away, Mac spoke.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It wasn't just someone, Jack. It - it was my dad."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And if Jack already regretted his earlier comment,  now he wished he could shoot himself. Just before Jack left, Mac and his dad were already doing better. The two of them were bonding, and despite James' parental neglect, Jack was glad Mac found him, found his family. Mac had his dad back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>During the initial few months of the assignment before Jack became too deep undercover, he was still allowed a little bit of contact with Phoenix, and occasionally received sparse updates from Matty. Matty was the one who informed him of the cancer - only because Mac wasn't answering his encrypted texts as often and Jack was beginning to worry. Once Jack went into the deep end and gave up all contact, he threw himself into work. If he couldn't be there for Mac, then he would do his best to finish the mission so that he could come back home sooner.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And only two years later, James was gone. And Jack had just brought it up at the worst possible time. Jack himself was high on emotions upon seeing Mac again for the first time in years. He couldn't even imagine how Mac was feeling, expecting a happy reunion with Jack and then immediately being reminded of his father's death.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack parked the car as carefully as he could with his suddenly shaky leg, and sat there, completely in shock. He barely noticed when Mac got out of the car to open Jack's door for him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," Jack whispered. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac helped Jack out and pulled him in for the second hug of the day. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It wasn't your fault," Mac reiterated, through the tightness in his throat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Was it - the cancer?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac shook his head, and Jack held him tighter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Then it wasn't your fault either." </p>
</div><div>
  <p>If it wasn't the cancer that took Mac's dad, then Jack knew Mac was blaming himself for whatever had happened. Mac had the tendancy to take the world upon his shoulders in an effort to save everyone. He needed to be reminded that the world wasn't just black and white, and that it wasn't his fault when things went wrong. Jack hoped that in his absence, the rest of the team knew Mac well enough to remind him of this.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac, on the other hand, could think of many reasons it was his fault - but deep down he knew Jack had a point. That didn't mean Mac was ready to accept it, yet. Not when he was still constantly thinking about how he could have found <em>something</em> to fix the remote detonator.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Thanks, Jack." Mac held on for just a little longer before finally extracting himself. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Here, why don't you bring your bags in," Mac changed the subject. He didn't really want to keep talking about his dad, and he knew Jack wouldn't push. "It's getting late, you might as well stay."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He made his way to the door, unlocking it and entering, holding it open for Jack and his bags.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack never felt more lost as he entered Mac's house again for the first time in two years. He figured not much would have changed, but he was very wrong about that. In the time he was gone, Mac had lost his father, grappled with numerous terrorists, and looked as though he'd aged five years.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The inside of Mac's place didn't help either. So much had changed. The living room was cluttered, as though Mac had cleared out another area and shoved everything there. The kitchen looked pretty empty, which wasn't unusual - but the sink had dishes in them that suggested someone had cooked there recently. Unless Bozer moved back in, Jack couldn't imagine Mac learning any cooking skills that resulted in edible food.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>In fact, now that Jack was paying more attention, it definitely looked like someone else was living here too. A sweater laying on the couch, some candles out on the porch - and was that Riley's laptop tucked into the corner of the armchair?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Mac," Jack started, dropping his bags in the hallway. Mac turned to him. "Did you get a new roommate?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac knew this was going to happen. He gave Jack a sheepish smile. "Yeah, uh, Riley moved in a few months ago."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack didn't respond at first, confused with what Mac meant by <em>moved in</em>. Did he mean Riley moved in as a roommate like Bozer was? Or did he mean Riley <em>moved in with Mac</em>? Judging by Mac's inability to meet his gaze and his semi-guarded look, Jack guessed the latter. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>How many more things had changed? Clearly the world kept spinning on while Jack was away, and he was only now finding out about everything. It felt like bomb after bomb was being dropped on his head. It was nobody's fault, of course. He was gone, everyone still had lives to live. Of course things would be different. But it still hurt a little to see just how much he'd missed out on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack hummed in acknowledgement instead of bringing up how lost he felt. "You and Riley, huh? I never thought about you two like that."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac's eyes widened and he immediately backpedaled. "Well, Riley didn't move in because of us.. she originally moved in after breaking up with her last boyfriend. But, uh, yeah, this thing between us kinda just happened a month ago."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Her last boyfriend? You mean Billy?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No, it was someone else. Riley and Billy ended things a few months after you left."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac could see how much all this information was affecting Jack. He decided that mentioning his and Desi's relationship could wait for another time, although he was sure Jack would love to hear about that whole situation. But it also wouldn't do him any good to bring up another failed relationship while Jack was obviously deciding if he was worthy of Riley's company.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well," Jack finally spoke. "I never thought about it, but you two kind of make sense. I remember telling you Riley deserves someone awesome. I'm.. glad it's you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac silently let out the breath he'd been holding. Jack's approval meant a lot to Mac. Riley was like a daughter to him - and Mac had first hand experience as to how protective he could get. Mac just never thought he'd be on the other end of Jack's scrutinizing stare. "I - thanks, Jack."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack looked pointedly at Mac. "Don't get too excited. I'm still processing all this new stuff. Give me a few days and I'll be back here giving you the shovel talk. You may be my best friend, but Riley's my girl."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac smiled, holding out a beer. "I'd expect nothing less. Riley's out, in case you were wondering. She's helping Boze with some shelving he was doing - I think she just wanted to give us some time to ourselves. "</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack nodded, taking the drink and heading over to the fire pit. "That's nice of her. And if it makes you feel better, I'm gonna have that same conversation with her, only I'll be a little nicer about it. Can't have her breaking my boy's heart."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac let out a huff of laughter, rolling his eyes as he followed Jack and sat next to him at the pit. "I appreciate you looking out for me and threatening me at the same time."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, I gotta make sure I'm still your and Riley's favorite person, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac tilted his head. "Pretty sure I'm her favorite person now.. and she's definitely mine. Sorry, Jack." Mac grinned, taking a swig of his drink.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack had a fond smile on his face. <em>They do grow up fast, don't they?</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I guess I lost both kids in the divorce, huh?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac shook his head. "Never. Both your 'kids' missed you too much. We're glad you're back, and we're never letting you leave again."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well," Jack responded, putting his arm around Mac's shoulders, "I'm not going anywhere."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack was content with where he was now. Having a beer with Mac, talking about whatever came to mind. He knew there was a lot more to the story about Mac's dad, but Jack could wait. If Mac wasn't ready to talk about it, he wouldn't pry. It was the same with Mac and Riley's relationship. Jack meant it when he said he'd give Mac 'the talk', but it was only for principle. He knew Mac and Riley better than anyone else. They'd be good for each other. They both needed some stability in their lives. Especially after everything that they went through.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So," Jack said, turning the conversation around, "As interesting as your missions may have been - you won't <em>believe</em> what happened two weeks after we lost contact."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac raised his eyebrows, understanding that Jack was trying to lighten the mood. "Let me guess. You met Bruce Willis? No, wait, you met a woman, who you thought liked you back, and then she turned out to be working for Kovacs and tried to kill you?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack chuckled. "I wish those were true. You want to know what actually happened? I almost got <em>abducted by aliens</em>, Mac."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. "Jack, aliens - "</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don't exist. I knew you were gonna say that, but hear me out here!" Jack said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac laughed, holding his hand up in surrender. "Alright, alright, go on."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It was about two weeks in - we were moving through the forest to avoid being seen when all of a sudden I saw this light...'</p>
</div><div>
  <p>They sat side by side in the conversation pit, swapping silly mission stories while the sun began to set on the LA skyline. Given a bit more time, Mac knew he'd eventually have to tell Jack everything. About his dad, about his aunt, about Codex. All of it. But there was plenty of time for that later. Jack wouldn't push, and Mac himself wasn't yet sure how to broach the subject. For now, he was just content with Jack's company, and the knowledge that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. They had their family back, plus a few new faces. Everything would be alright.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>